


A Diversion from Self-Doubt

by EdosianOrchids901



Series: Plain Simple Prompts [10]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV First Person, POV Julian Bashir, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 02:41:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15742494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdosianOrchids901/pseuds/EdosianOrchids901
Summary: Dialogue prompt: "Let's run away together."





	A Diversion from Self-Doubt

**Author's Note:**

> Part of a series of ficlets based on dialogue prompts from Tumblr. Written 12/17.

New vaccines. Alternate Andorian nutrition theories. Studies on every disease possible, even ones I’d never heard of. And so many biographies of attending doctors. 

Groaning, I rubbed my forehead. This was entirely too much to read, but I would feel totally inadequate if I wasn’t prepared. 

Looking up from his embroidery, Garak gave me a sympathetic look. “Overwhelmed, my dear?”

“Just a little.” I shoved my padd away and massaged my temples. “I have no idea how I’m supposed to make it through all this before the conference.”

“Mm.” My Cardassian padded to the window and gazed out. “It looks like a lovely night. You doctors pick far better locations for your conferences than we spies.”

Despite my exhaustion, I laughed. “Spy conferences?”

“Oh yes. Very public, formal affairs.” His mouth twitched in amusement. 

“You’re so helpful,” I teased. “Torturing me with things like ‘it looks like a lovely night’ when I’m buried in work.”

“Well, someone must keep your spirits up. And I’m both an expert in torture, and telling whether a night is lovely.” He came to stand behind me, resting his hands on my shoulders and kissing the top of my head.

“Thanks, love.” I returned to reading, still totally overwhelmed. 

Gentle fingers combed through my hair. “’Dissertation on the effects of subspace tachyon particles on the microbiology of Trill symbionts’,” he read over my shoulder. “That seems oddly specific.”

“But important.” With another sigh, I leaned back into his touch. “That’s the trouble. All of this is important, but there’s so much information that I can barely absorb it all, even with my enhancements.”

“Isn’t the point of a medical conference to absorb the information during presentations? You may be genetically enhanced, but you can’t possibly be expected to know everything.”

“Yeah, but if I don’t study it all, I won’t be prepared.” The thought of that made me deeply anxious, and I took a slow breath to steady myself. 

Garak leaned on the edge of the table, covering my hand with his. Surprised, I looked up and saw compassion in his eyes. “The thought of not being prepared causes you great distress,” he observed, voice soft. “Is this because you feel a need to prove yourself?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Turning my hand to grasp his, I stared out the window as I thought. “I dunno, Elim. I still feel like such a fraud sometimes, even after all these years of everything being out in the open. I always worry that everyone is secretly judging me, waiting to see if I’ll measure up. And they’re probably saying things like ‘Oh, Julian Bashir? He’s not a real doctor.”

“But you are a real doctor, dear heart.”

“Maybe so.” I rose, feeling almost trapped, and went to the window. “I just don’t feel like I belong, that’s all.”

“I’m afraid that’s a feeling I’m well acquainted with.” Elim joined me, slipping his arm around my waist. “You do belong, though. Your ability to truly understand, your clever ideas, and your gentle compassion have nothing to do with the enhancements. You’re a marvelous doctor on your own merit.”

Still not reassured, I leaned against him and rested my head on his shoulder. The unsettled sensation in my chest and stomach hadn’t abated. 

“I just feel like I need to be better than everyone.” Realizing how that sounded, I winced. “Not like that. Just…”

“I know, Julian. You want to be able to show everyone that you’re competent, prepared, effective. You don’t need to justify yourself to me.”

“Thanks, dearest.” I fell silent, gazing out the window at the activities below. The open market was lively, but not overly crowded. Towering, willowy trees lined the stone paths, and I could see a garden, filled with varieties of plant life that I knew Elim would find fascinating. 

The ocean was visible in the distance, too, teal water lapping at the shore. Just my luck that we’d finally get to come somewhere lovely like this, and then end up stuck inside. 

“It really does look like a gorgeous night,” I sighed. 

Garak pressed his lips to my head. “Julian?”

“Hmm?”

“Let’s run away together.”

Surprised, I tilted my head back so I could see him. “Are you serious?”

He inclined his head, eyes bright. “Just for the night. Or, if you’d prefer, we could skip the conference altogether.”

“Garak, I can’t miss the entire conference.”

“Just tonight, then.” He beamed at me.

“But I’ve got all this reading…” I protested weakly, wanting nothing more than to go adventuring. 

He took my hand and tugged. “All the reading is doing is increasing your anxiety. It’ll do you good to get out of here and stop fretting about whether or not you ‘measure up’.”

Relenting, I let him coax me into motion. “All right, if you’re sure this planet has good security. I’ve had enough of being abducted from medical conferences.”

Elim paused, patting his waistband. “Don’t worry. I came prepared.”

“Did you really smuggle a phaser in here?” I shook my head, not exactly surprised. “Well, that doesn’t say much for the security.”

“It’s not a reflection on the security. I’m not your average medical conference attendee, my dear.”

“Neither were the Jem’Hadar, Section 31, or the Tal Shiar,” I answered darkly. 

The amusement in Garak’s eyes burned away, and fierce protectiveness took its place. He grasped my arms, gaze intense. “I will never allow them to touch you again,” he said, such conviction in his voice that it eased my fear. 

Grateful, reassured, and turned on all at once, I wrapped my arms around Elim and kissed him passionately. He responded with immediate eagerness, pulling me forward into a snug hold. I relaxed in his arms, savoring his cool lips, the feeling of his tongue meeting mine in a dance, his hands skimming over my back. 

Eventually, I drew back and caressed his cheek. “Thank you, Elim. For everything.”

“Anything for you,” he murmured, eyes now soft with love. “Shall we go?”

“We shall.” And so, I took my husband’s arm, and we went out to explore.


End file.
